Things high school girls can find attractive to make my job easier

I am a high school strength coach and I am ready to pick a fight. Yes, that’s right. I am picking a fight with high school girls; those letterman jacket stealing, facebook gossiping distractions that every high school boy fawns over. 

Boys will spend hours working on their arms and abs and then drink protein shakes all day afraid of bulking up but, wanting to be muscular and ripped at the same time. They want to look hot for the girls they fawn over because, as we all know, high school girls are a fickle bunch. They go through friends like a wardrobe and boyfriends even faster so, the boys have to make sure they can keep their attention. Girls, I am trying to appeal to your decency here. Help me help you. If the guys weren’t so concerned with their self image that you continually break down (as you show their short comings next to the likes of Ryan Gosling); I wouldn’t have to convince them that it is more important to squat than to do 20 variations of curls. So, without further ado, here are a few things I would like you to start saying and/or finding attractive about your prospective mate.

  • “Oh my gosh, you have a double body weight squat? That is so hot.”
  • “I really like guys that finish the food off my plate to move up in bodyweight.”
  • “Six packs are over rated. What’s your vertical jump?”
  • “I only date guys that can press me overhead.”
  • “I only date guys that can do a Turkish Get-up with me.”
  • “I’m part of this great Olympic Weightlifting Club, you should totally join. Yoga is so last year.”
  • “No, I don’t want to go for a jog. Want to Deadlift together?”
  • “I hate guys that just want to spend a bunch of time around me when they could be hitting a new PR.”
  • “My last boyfriend could run a 4.80, 40. What can you run?
  • “Why are you calling me every day? Shouldn’t you be squatting?

Thank you to the 0 high school girls that read this but, I do hope it gets to them and they will have a change of heart. You can make a change ladies and the time is now!

Keep squatting…


Post a Comment